Week 1: 2/1/2021

Well I have to say that although I am speaking about Embracing Imperfection this week, it sure feels nice and easy right now to be working on the writing portion of my weekly message.  You see if you don’t already know this, I am an English teacher; therefore I’ve been writing my whole life.  I may not be a published author, but I know writing, I feel comfortable writing.  It feels good to be working on the easy stuff right now.

Even as I say I’m working on the easy stuff and it feels good, I know that the fires, TAPAS - as I learned in yoga this week, of growth are not burning quite as bright as they are at times when my mind is running frantic with doubt, like when I’m working on the more technical portions of my website.  Challenge yields growth, and yoga embraces that concept on many levels.  Most of us humans innately flee from challenging growth; we would rather reach for distraction from the challenges than be present with them.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve yearned to be finished learning, to know all the answers!  Since I know a bit more in life today, that memory makes me smile.

Now I will practice embracing growth, the challenging circumstances that create the fires that allow me to grow stronger.  It is a daily battle with my mind!  After a week of yoga teacher training, I know that I will be struggling from the repercussions of 2 tumultuous right knee surgeries several months ago.  My already limited knee became an acute injury immediately after my first power core class on day 1, even though it felt pretty good during the class.  As I write this, I am icing and nursing my knee due to intense pain.

My mind wants to quit!  I truly think thoughts like, I should wait until it’s safer for my knee.  Everyone would understand that my knee just isn’t ready for such an undertaking.  My family would actually be relieved.  Lately I’m learning that those are merely the rambling thoughts of the mind, not the valuable insights of the present moment.  I must dismiss them and refocus on the present moment, over and over and over again.  Every day.

So here is what I believe to be true of my yoga teacher training from January - June, YTT 25 as they call my class of students - my training will prove to be a more valuable learning experience for me emotionally because of my imperfections.  I’ve been a dancer my whole life, a very egocentric statement that I have proclaimed with ownership for years.  I danced in a studio and competitions as a young girl and continued to dance at Walt Disney World upon moving to Orlando, FL for college at UCF. Therefore the nice and easy portion of this yoga teacher training for me would normally be the physical parts.  Oh I would sweat, push and struggle, and I would grow stronger, but that would be exactly what I’ve been doing in exercise my whole life. It would be perfectly comfortable!  It is my limitations that will force me to battle the worries of the mind that make me want to quit: the judgements from others, the fears of reinjury, the pressures of perfection.  As difficult as it will be to accept it at times, not getting it right in a perfectly balanced way will be good for me, and it’s essential to a worthwhile yoga practice.

Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection calls these “unraveling journeys,” transformational moments “when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.”  Recovery is definitely on the list of her great unraveling journeys along with becoming a parent and experiencing trauma, all things that apply to my life.  This yoga teacher training, blog and website are results of my recent unraveling.  What has caused these moments in your own life?

Anytime my mind tries to take me away from the present moment, I will take a deep breath, feel my heart beat and reconnect with the universe to live life from that place instead.